"Creating Gospel-centered Families"

Elder David A. Bednar: Thank you. It’s my honor.

President Ashton: We’re excited to have you. We wanted this to be a little more informal today. We’re not scripted. Elder Bednar and I are just going to talk. And we hope that you feel like you’re in the room with us.

Elder Bednar, we all want the ideal gospel family. Many of our students, however, come from families that don’t reach that ideal. Do the senior Church leaders understand what it’s like to come from a family that struggles?

Elder Bednar: They certainly do. Let’s just take three or four contemporary examples. President Nelson grew up in a home where his mother and father did not attend church on a regular basis. President M. Russell Ballard, formerly the President of the Quorum of the Twelve, grew up in a home where his parents were not active. Jeffrey R. Holland, in his growing up years, grew up in a home where his father was not very active. So there you have a President of the Church and the last two Presidents of the Quorum of the Twelve who understand perfectly what it’s like to grow up in a home that’s not the ideal and is not perfect.

And if I can be personal for a moment, my father was not a member of the Church. My mother was a faithful member of the Church. I prayed as a boy. My mom helped me learn how to pray. But I never had family prayer the way we usually think about that until I was a married man.

President Ashton: And may I ask, how did you learn to have family prayer?

Elder Bednar: You just try to figure out how it ought to be done and then you experiment. There will be many young men and young women tonight all over the world who are listening, who say, “But I never saw how to do that.” It begins with you. And, in some ways, that even can be an advantage.

Now, you know, we bring wonderful traditions and patterns from our homes and our families. But when you’re married, you can sometimes have an argument between a husband and a wife about which of the patterns they grew up in we’re going to have in our home. So if you and a spouse are prayerful and counsel together, you will do what is right for your specific family in the particular time in which you live.

President Ashton: That’s very helpful. Thank you.

If our students have not lived in a gospel-centered family, what advice would you give them about how to build and lead a righteous family beyond what you just said?

I would argue that that verse is admonishing parents to create a home where the Holy Ghost is the teacher, not the parents — they have a role to play — but, ultimately, it’s the Holy Ghost who witnesses to the heart.

So you have a home where the Spirit of the Lord can dwell and, as you discuss gospel truth, it will bear witness to yourself, to your spouse, to the children. That, to me, is what it means to help your children to understand — not just repeat it. I think a lot of parents think, “Well, you didn’t listen last time. I’m going to talk louder. I’m going to do it again, and this time you’ll get it. Nope, you didn’t get it this time, let me—.” No, live it in your home. Talk about it with the assistance of the Holy Ghost, and then the Holy Ghost will deliver that gift of understanding through the witness to the heart.

President Ashton: I think I also heard love your children. Have fun with them. Make sure that they know you care about them and you’re teaching them because you love them, as opposed because you want them to behave in a certain way or it makes you look good.

Elder Bednar: Gospel learning is enjoyable. We have three sons, and when they were little one was preparing for baptism. The other one, who was two years younger, said, “Let’s memorize the Articles of Faith.” And the youngest one did it better than the older one and did it more rapidly. But we’d be driving around in the car doing something, and I’d just say, “Seven!” And they would kind of race to see who could do it first.

Well, that seems silly now, but for little guys, that’s a part of what we would do driving in the car. On our refrigerator, we had a list of scriptures that we were learning and memorizing. And so we’d just, “Section 89, what’s that?” And they’d come out. “What’s in 107?” And they could tell you the overarching theme of each one of those sections in the Doctrine and Covenants. So, it’s enjoyable and edifying. Those are not mutually exclusive.

President Ashton: I remember you giving a talk one time and, in it, you said you were having family prayer. And as I recall, the son had an American football helmet on and, in the middle of the prayer, he said something like, “Hut, hut.” Do I remember that correctly?

Elder Bednar: Yeah, he was called on to give the prayer, and he wouldn’t take this football helmet off. This present was the greatest thing he had ever received, and he wouldn’t take it off. He ate with it on. So we asked him to say the prayer, and so he started barking signals instead of saying, “Our Heavenly Father.” It wasn’t very edifying, but it was one of the funniest things that ever happened in our family.

President Ashton: And how did you respond in the situation like that?

Elder Bednar: We all just laughed like crazy. And then we said, “Okay, now let’s try to gain our composure and let’s be serious, and let’s have a meaningful prayer.”

President Ashton: And I think those types of things are just great for children.

Elder Bednar: The other thing I think so many parents get frustrated. They want to have a Come, Follow Me discussion or some kind of a lesson. And they want it to be formalized, and they want it to be, you know, everything that you think it’s supposed to be. I don’t remember that we ever had one of those. And you always will go and say, “I don’t know why we’re doing this. It doesn’t seem to be doing any good.” I absolutely believe that no one lesson, no one session of scripture reading and study, no one family prayer is going to make that much of a difference. It’s in the consistency of doing it. That’s where the difference is made.

President Ashton: How do our covenants and the temple help us as we work to create a gospel-centered family? And, in addition, how do those covenants help us when someone in our family uses their agency to reject the gospel or chooses not to be part of the family?

Elder Bednar: President Nelson has been a real pioneer in teaching about the covenant connection, being covenant children of the Lord, and the special love hesed that is available to us through the connection of the covenant. I think we underestimate children and what they’re capable of doing. Children are quite capable of understanding the nature of all of the covenants. So temple covenants can be taught to children long before it’s time for them to be in the house of the Lord.

When you look at how messed up the world is and, you know, people say, “Well, what’s the Church doing to help?” We safeguard the authority. We keep the doctrine pure, and we provide the covenants and ordinances so that individuals can have that power of godliness in their lives. That is the solution to the ills of this world and how we make it through.

Now in terms of how do our covenants help us if someone is wandering? Joseph Smith and other Church leaders have talked about a pull — a bit of a spiritual tug, if you will. Orson F. Whitney referred to it as “the divine tentacles of providence.” It is not the case that the faithfulness of parents can save a wayward child, but the faithfulness of the parents in honoring covenants exerts a bit of a spiritual tug. Now I don’t know how that works, but it’s a part of the covenant connection.

So the best thing that a parent can do if there’s a wayward child is to honor the covenants so that that tug, if they’ll let it, can have an influence on the child. That same principle is true for a child who’s faithful with wayward parents. Many members of the Church have mistakenly thought, “If I honor my covenants, then I can save my kids.” No, Jesus saves, but we have to follow His path.

President Ashton: Right.

Elder Bednar: Now, I have a recommendation for everybody who may be listening, and that is that, as often as feasible, we refer to the temple as the house of the Lord. President Nelson, early in his service as the President, taught us the importance of using the correct name of the Church, and it feels different when you refer to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with the word temple, but it’s different when you say the house of the Lord. So, that very thing: Imagine you’re rearing a child, and temple is not the word they hear the most, but the house of the Lord is the phrase that they hear the most. That will have an impact on that child as he or she grows up.

President Ashton: What great advice. Well, we’re about out of time. Is there any other advice you would give to our students?

Elder Bednar: Yes. Number one, take advantage of every opportunity that BYU-Pathway affords you. It is my personal belief that BYU-Pathway is one of the educational miracles of the dispensation of the fulness of times to bless people all over the world in remarkably different circumstances and conditions.

And number two, the gospel of Jesus Christ is joyful. There are very hard challenges that we face, and there are hard things to do. But with the help of the Lord, as His covenant sons and daughters, we have access to a power that helps us to face and overcome all of those challenges and adversities. And for that, I can’t imagine why we would not be smiling every second of every minute of every day, knowing what we have been blessed with. We should never be casual. We should never take that for granted, but always — daily — express our heartfelt gratitude to live when we live in the places that we live and have access to the blessings of the gospel. There are not words to describe all of the people, regardless of age anywhere, who are taking advantage of this remarkable technology to strengthen themselves.

My beloved brothers and sisters, it’s been an honor for me to spend these few minutes with you. And what I now want to do is what I love to do the very most. As a servant of the Lord, I witness that God the Eternal Father is our Father. We are His sons and daughters. We are brothers and sisters. Our Eternal Father is the Author of the plan of happiness. I witness that is true.

Jesus the Christ is the Only Begotten and Beloved Son of the Eternal Father. He’s our Savior and our Redeemer. And, with all the energy of my soul, I witness He is risen. He lives. The Father and the Son appeared to Joseph Smith, and that was the beginning of the Restoration of the gospel in the latter days. I witness that Restoration is ongoing. It’s happening today. It was happening yesterday. It will happen tomorrow — every day, week, month, and year until the Savior comes again. I witness the priesthood authority has been restored to the earth.

All of these things are true. I witness all of these things are true. I invoke the very simple blessing upon you that if you will be good, press forward, do the simple things that you know you should do, you will always have the companionship of the Holy Ghost. You will be guided, protected, and inspired. In the sacred name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.